Tuesday, August 01, 2006

The ABCs of Dating

When my husband and I were dating we probably spent way too much time alone at my comfy little townhouse. It wasn’t that we wanted it that way, but I had a young daughter who I made sure went to bed at a decent hour and I didn’t really have anyone to watch her if I wanted to go out more often.

Spending a lot of time at home put us in the position to be too intimate. BUT we didn’t have sex. In fact, if you ask my husband he’ll be the first to tell you that the main reason we didn’t have sex while we were dating was because I wouldn’t allow it to happen. He was very persistent, however, and many times we went too far, but we are proud and happy to report that we didn’t have sex while we were dating.

How’s that possible? One reason is because of the covenant I had made with God. During times when we were kissing and caressing I could fill my covenant ring burning a hole in my finger. It was as if God Himself sat on my finger reminding me of my commitment and helping me to keep it.

It’s especially difficult when you meet a person who you believe will be the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with. How can you have a sincere dating relationship without having sex?

A few things are important: Making the covenant with God. What you do on your dates. And where you go on your dates.

Here are some dating tips that may help:
1) Go with a group. This may seem silly or even common sense, but it works. Go out with a group of friends – coupled up if you like – who have a like-minded spirit. Don’t go out with a couple who is having sex or you’ll be uncomfortable and reminded of sexual activity the entire time. When you hang out with people who have the same beliefs and goals as you it’ll be encouraging.
2) Date during the day. Avoid Friday night or Saturday night dates and even dinner dates. Do lunch and an afternoon activity on Saturdays – skating, bowling, shopping, take a class together, amusement parks… Meet for lunch during the weekday (my husband and I did this while we were dating. It was convenient for us because we worked in the same vicinity).
3) Stop at the door. If you can’t avoid going out at night then make sure you leave each other at the door. Don’t say good-byes in the car either… that’s a little too cozy. Step outside the car, walk to the door and say good-bye with a small hug or kiss on the cheek. Hold each other accountable. There will probably be one person in the relationship that is stronger than the other person so have that person be the “bigger man.”
4) Keep it public. Drive to a location in separate cars to a public place to play pool, grab coffee at a coffee shop, etc. BUT BEWARE: don’t decide to meet up at each other’s home later… if you do then you’ll be in the dark…
5) Avoid the dark. Dark movie theaters, dark and romantic restaurants, midnight picnics in the park, dark living rooms. You get the point.

Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love. – Jane Austin in “Northanger Abbey”


Wilda Hatchett said...

I am not understanding why there are no comments to this very helpful article. Thank you for the tips. They are certainly worth trying. I have been celibate for 9 years now and I am just beginning to date again. It gets hard sometimes because we really like each other. We are both Christains and we speak of marriage sometimes but we would really like to get to know each other a lot better before jumping into marriage. Sex is not a reason to get married but a benefit of marriage. Thanks again for the tips and may God continue to bless and enhance your marriage. Wilda

Anonymous said...

Thank for your advice on begin Celibate and stay absitnet until marriage. I have been celibate for year and made a vow to God to stay that way. I'm not going lie I have my moment but when temptation come I just think back to that day when I made a promise to God to be free from fornication. I also try to stay away from people who don't suppose my lifestyle or speak negative about my celibate life. Again thank and I pray that God continue to strength you and your husband and that you continue to be that light and voice for other who are following this lifestyle.

Hollye said...

Thank you so much for your insight on this subject. The guy I am dating and I agreed to become celibate after dating a few months. In the first few months of dating we were not celibate. We both felt guilty going against God. We talked about it and both agreed to be celibate. It is very hard to do it that way but so far we have kept to our agreement. We neither one feel like we want to be married again after two failed marriages each. Knowing that, it is really hard for me at times not to go with the temptation. I am trying to stay in the word and look to God for all things.
I pray for those who are like minded and give all the glory to God.

Petula said...

Thanks to the three of you for commenting. You may have noticed that I don't update this blog anymore, but I do believe there is a place for it here in the blogosphere.

The Relationship Company said...

Agreed they make two people come closer, but never forget is they must be also comfortable with each other. Otherwise there relations will not work out.

Anonymous said...

I see that this is an old blog. However it was encouraging. I have been celibate almost 2yrs. I've been dating a guy for a couple of months. He doesn't think he can do it but hasn't chosen to walk away. I think it is a matter of time, but I have to focus on lining my life with God's Word. So I try to gain encouragement through reading. Thanks for sharing.

A Yellow Butterfly said...

Celibacy is about more than just not having sex. It's about learning who are and what you really want out of life. I too believe in being celibate and have created a website and book dedicated to called The Kama Sutra of Celibacy: 101 Ways to be Successfully Celibate. The Kama Sutra of Celibacy is designed to help singles live a successful life of celibacy through practical exercises that addresses the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical aspects of celibacy while providing guidance, encouragement and support. Check us out at http://www.kamasutraofcelibacy.com

Kila Johnson said...

Hello my friends. I have not been on the journey as long as some of you, but none the less still on the same path. Its been a struggle and I met a guy who is so sweet and we both share a mutual attraction. I had to have "THE TALK" with him. It went ok but I dont know if he has it in him to go the distance. I have a made up mind so when things feel like they are getting to heavy I remind myself why I'm doing what I'm doing. Reading his article has helped me alot, I made up my mind along time ago and refuse to compromise my faith for anyone. Waiting on my Boaz and for God to fulfill the desires of my heart as he has promised. Please keep me in prayer and encourage. Victory is ours!!!!