Get those engines running... again... head to the highway

I know it's been years since you've heard from me, but I have a couple of ideas I want to share in this venue so I'm kicking this into gear... it'll be a slow gear because I have a lot going on. (Take a gander on my Petula Writes blog to see what's been up.)

So hang in there, you won't be disappointed. You may be surprised at some of my new (?) opinions and ideas on the subject. I'll be back here about twice a month; I'll let you know the days very soon. In the meantime, let's get a new discussion going:

Let's start from the beginning. Do you believe single individuals (widowed, divorced, never married) should remain celibate from sexual activity and intercourse outside of the boundaries of a marriage? Please share your opinions in the comments and remember to be respectful and without judgement in your tone and language. I don't normally censor comments here so let's not start now.

"Celibacy is a journey, not a destination." - yours truly 

The small print: Your comments and ideas may be used in other writings on the subject. You can get an idea of what the old book concept was by clicking the link. I love to give attribution to sources, if you want to comment but remain anonymous outside of this blog then feel free to leave a note in your comments.

Purity balls, abstinence pledges and the like

Why are teenagers standing up and publicly declaring their promise to remain celibate until marriage, but adults are cringing, commenting anonymously and avoiding the subject altogether? And, on the flip side of things, are the declarations of these teenagers making a difference in their ability and desire to remain celibate (or abstain, like some like to say) until marriage?

Whatever the answer, there’s something in the air that makes this a hot topic. In the March 2007 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine (www.oprah.com), there is a story called “The Innocence Project,” which was written by Amanda Robb. It started off like this: “A lot of fathers hope their daughters will be virgins until they walk them down the aisle. But some are going a step further – taking pledges to support the girls’ commitment to chastity. And formalizing those pledges at what are called purity balls.”

Before I even finished reading the story, I thought, “What a wonderful idea!” As a, what I like to call, born-again virgin before I married (celibate for five years before), I have talked quite a bit to my 15-year-old daughter about maintaining her purity until she’s married. I even passed on my covenant ring (review some of my earlier posts that talk about covenant rings and making the commitment) to her after I got married. So, the idea of a purity ball seemed like a wonderful reinforcement to what I am already teaching her.

But, as I continued to read the story, it seemed like Robb revealed some statistics and facts that indicated there may not be that big of a difference between teenagers who take the pledge and teenagers who don’t. Although between 1990 and 2002 the United States teen pregnancy rate declined by more than 30 percent, which supporters of abstinence-only initiatives believe their programs are largely responsible for, according to Robb, social scientists don’t believe that the programs are behind the declines. It was further revealed that 88 percent of teenagers who make the pledge end up breaking it.

How disheartening!

Robb, and O magazine, presented a well-researched article that offered a variety of viewpoints on the subject. Everyone from adults who made the pledge as teenagers and still ended up having sex and adults who made the pledge and remained virgins until marriage to experts in the field of sexuality, abstinence and statistics. The comments got me to thinking: Should parents get involved in encouraging their children to make a pledge of abstinence/celibacy before marriage?

Absolutely! The obviously unsuccessful storied and discouraging statistics didn’t change my viewpoint. In fact, they gave me a little insight. Although it’s necessary to support our children in the correct decisions for their lives, it is also necessary to give them complete information. Parents are remiss if they don’t tell their children the dangers of having unprotected sex and give them complete information on protecting themselves. Wait. Wait. Don’t get mad at me. There’s fine line between supporting premarital sex and providing necessary information. A lot of Christians, and parents in general for that matter, believe that if you give complete information then you open the door for sexual activity.

The fact remains that some teenagers aren’t going to abide by their abstinence pledge. Most often because they’re taking the pledge at such a young age, don’t really understand it completely and are doing it to simply please their parents. Which means a lot of times parents, although they have good intentions, are missing some key ingredients in providing their children with abstinence information and support.

Whatever decision is made on how to promote abstinence among the single, teenage people in your household; it is still the right decision to make. As we encourage our children to be celibate until marriage, we encourage a future generation of adults to do what God has called for them to do, which is not to commit adultery (any sex outside of the bonds of holy matrimony).

To assist you in your commitment to remain celibate until marriage or to help you talk to your teen/children about celibacy and abstinence, I’ve listed some organizations that may help:

Organizations that support “abstinence” until marriage:
True Love Waits -- http://www.lifeway.com/tlw/
Silver Ring Thing -- http://www.silverringthing.com/
National Abstinence Clearinghouse -- http://www.abstinence.net/
Heritage Foundation -- http://www.heritage.org/
Articles, links and information -- http://www.insideout.org/documentaries/withthisring/links.asp

Also, pick up a copy of O magazine and check out “The Innocence Project” article. It was excellent reading.

Practical tips for relationships

One thing that I’m finding extremely important is that a person should prepare for a relationship before they’re even in a committed, steady or marital relationship. So, that’s what we’re going to talk about today.

Now, I’m no expert when it comes to relationships. In fact, I can probably tell you all kinds of things NOT to do when you’re in a relationship, but what I do know is that you must prepare yourself. When I say prepare, I mean “be ready” for the spouse God has for you before you actually meet the person.

How do you do that? There are several different things that you should try to have in order. Most are relevant for both men and women.

The primary thing, before we go any further, is having a strong relationship with God. That means regular prayer, worship, praise and fellowship. Relationships – especially marital unions – can be the most trying of your life. Why is that? The devil doesn’t want the marriage relationship to succeed because it’s ordained by God.

A girlfriend of my recently voiced it this way, “If something great wasn’t going to come out of the relationship then it would be a piece of cake!”

How many of you have heard of Prophetess Juanita Bynum? Well, Prophetess Bynum had a sermon called No More Sheets and she has a book of the same name. It has been more than six years since I’ve seen the video, but some of the preparation things she spoke of have stuck in my mind.

One thing is ensuring you have your financial house in order before you get married. It may not be practical to have zero debt – although that should be the goal – but do not enter into a marriage with a lot of financial baggage. If you don’t know how to balance a checkbook and are incurring a lot of fees then learn how to do it. If you don’t know how to stick to a monthly budget then take a debt management class. If you have consumer debt then work with a financial planner to get it paid off. If you don’t know anything about savings and investing then do some research and start some savings and investing plans that will benefit your future.

Do you like to eat? Then there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to cook. I’m talking to men and women. You don’t have to be a gourmet chef, but you should know how to prepare some general meals. Men, let me ask you a question, what are you going to do when your wife is sick or recuperating from having a baby? Are you going to expect her to be able to get up and cook your meal, feed herself and any children that you may have? And, be realistic, it isn’t always practical to eat or order out – it’s not cost effective either.

One word to a small group of ladies I’ve been coming across lately: What’s with not knowing how to cook? I’ve encountered several adults who still live with their mothers and they don’t know how to cook. Now cooking isn’t everyone’s gift, but you have to be able to provide for your family that way so although you don’t have to know all the ends and outs, grab a cookbook and follow the directions to prepare dinner for your family. Ask your mother or a trusted friend for advice and recipes or take a cooking class.

That leads into general housekeeping abilities. Even if your wife stays at home or works from home, men should still be competent enough to take care of the house and assist in keeping it clean and orderly. Pick up after yourself, etc. And, women, general housekeeping knowledge is a must.

One of the most important things, if this applies to you, is to get rid of any soul ties that you may have. Let me explain, soul ties exist when you’ve had sex outside of marriage. Every person you’ve ever slept with has left their mark on your soul and it’s important to pray to God for help in cleansing that from your soul.

You don’t want to be in your marriage bed comparing your spouse to someone from your past. You don’t want to be doing something in your marriage bed just because someone from your past enjoyed it. … I think you get the picture.

As I’ve said before: I’m no expert on the ends and outs of relationships. But, like most people, I do have some general knowledge to share that may make things a little easier for you. Just because you’re celibate doesn’t mean you shouldn’t prepare for your spouse.

Happy preparation.

"All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest -- never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership." Jane Austen