Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Where have you been?

Today is the first day in over a month that I’ve visited my own blog! I can’t believe it has been so long. Although I apologize for being away; I’m not sure that I would have done any good had I tried to write an entry.

Before I get started, let me first say that I just read my previous post and I think it’s awesome! Please forgive a little patting on the back. The reason I say it is awesome is because I’ve been having such a hard time of things over the past month or so that when I read the post it ministered to me! How awesome is that that God would use something that I wrote to help others to also help me. That makes me think it was destined that particular post remained at the top for so long.

Well, let me tell you what’s been going on. Remember the quote by Robin McGraw that I used at the end of the last post? I’ve been feeling really strongly about making choices in my life instead of just going along for the ride. One of the choices I had decided to make (on the day after I finished reading her book) was to get a tubal ligation. To make a long story short, the day after my decision I found out I was pregnant.

If you know anything about me, you know that I have three children (four total with a stepson) and the youngest is just 22 months old. The next is 3 and the oldest is 15. I’m 38 and had no desire to be pregnant again. Well, here I am. I'm pregnant with baby number four. Mentally it has been quite an adjustment for me as well as physically. I’ve never felt this awful with any of my pregnancies so I’ve spent the last four weeks – give or take – laying on the couch and sleeping whenever I can.

I’ve procrastinated through deadlines. Allowed laundry to grow until it overtakes the laundry room. And whined, pouted and pleaded for things I’ve wanted or needed. Now as I start to feel a little bit like a human being, I knew it was time for me to get back into the swing of things… and that includes updating my blog.

It’s funny how situations in our lives will prove to test our faith, beliefs and ability to survive. In my condition, I’ve tried to think of the positive and not of everything that worries me about being pregnant at the age of 38.

In the end, I’ve been trying to think of God’s purpose and reason in this. Why did he allow me to get pregnant again? The only thing I can think of is that I must really be a good mommy for Him to bless me with another child. (Now don’t think I’ve forgotten about my husband, but since he’s not physically pregnant with the baby my thoughts are on being pregnant. My husband happens to be a very, very good dad. It’s kind of funny because although I may disagree with some of the things he does, I still see him as a very good father to his children. I know parents everywhere can relate to that.)

The same goes for you. Being single and celibate will prove to test your faith, beliefs and your ability to survive, but there is a purpose and a reason why God has allowed you to remain single. Or has put you in a position where you are now single. I encourage you to try and look at what’s positive about it. Try not to focus on being alone, that you’re still single at a certain age or that you “can’t” have sex. Instead think about all the quality time you can spend with God. Think about all the things you can do for yourself. Or just spend time doing what you want to do!

I pray that you have a wonderful and blessed Christmas. My goal is to not be away that long ever again, but if I am know that I still think about you. Feel free to send me an email (there’s a link to your right) or leave a comment. I’m always glad to hear from you.

“Growth is exciting; growth is dynamic and alarming. Growth of the soul, growth of the mind.” --Vita Sackville-West

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